Ugly or Pretty Grief

i am dealing with the ugliness of grief as my dad recently died.  The dark side of grief leaves you empty, alone, feeling as if you are crazy and suicidal.  The pretty side of grief allows you to talk with your loved one as if he or she is still here.  The cut off of constant dialogue in real time is frightening…..one day they are there….one day they are not.  The pretty side of grief tells you to take walks, go the beach, try yoga all as one’s mind is in constant conflict.  I want normal back….not going to happen.  I have to move on….the “people” tell you it will take six months…..waiting for that cut off.  I went nuts and got a tattoo…..dad’s luck number on my ring finger so I can always his presence.  I want to escape to a bruce concert🌞